Yeah, read the title of the post. :P I'm not talking about me breaking one of the Ten Commandments, taking the Lord's name in vain, or anything like that. Nope, not going to hell for that. What am I going to Hell for?

Playing Dungeons and Dragons.

Back in the 70's, when D&D first started coming out, some people began to freak out thinking that the people who played it would be able to summon demons or use "real magic" and stuff like that. A bunch of crap got posted in the media about how kids were killing themselves and/or other people with D&D, parents bought the hype, and were like "RARRRRR, BAN D&D!!!1! PROTECT THE CHILDREN!!1!!!!!"

For those who aren't up with popular culture, Dungeons and Dragons is a role playing game (RPG) where a group of people create fantasy characters on special sheets of paper, roll lots of dice, and have a Dungeon Master (DM) that leads the campaign, tells the story, and walks people through the battles. Dice is rolled to see if we succeed in doing things, such as using a rope, or attacking a monster.

Satanic, isn't it? (Although my black/grey dice with red numbers is soooooo evil looking...)

Unfortunately, some people just can't get their heads around the fact that a bunch of people sitting around a table with pieces of paper, dice, and pencils, are not going to summon hellspawn by adding numbers, which is what we do most of the time besides actual roleplaying. And also unfortunately, people still believe this crap that came up in the 70's today. There's a comic done by Christian Fundie Jack Chick called Dark Dungeons, where he shows the "evils" of D&D. Of course the people in the comic don't play the game right at all (you need to roll a dice to see if the theif actually failed to see the trap, Ms. Frost. You can't just delare them dead. What kind of DM are you, huh?!) For the curious, here's a link to the comic: Dark Dungeons

Because I'm bored and don't feel like working on stuff, let's see how I'm going to Hell based on the campaigns I've participated in, shall we?

My first campaign (AKA: Me the newbie): I played with my brother and his friends, and I was a fighter. We didn't do much except take TWO HOURS to kill a bunch of goblins, because most of the time was spent with them throwing dice at their heads or humping each other.
Reasons for going to Hell: Murder and homosexuality.

Rob's Mini Campaign (AKA: "Uhhh...internet?"): A one-day game by one of my first boyfriend's friends, he was making one for a convention and wanted to test it out on us first. I was a Rogue. I of course stole shit from people, including the other theif/swashbuckler. I threatened the shady NPC wizard to go help the team or I stabbed him in the back. When the wizard was down, and our Lawful Good paladin was looking away, I stabbed the wizard and stole his stuff. And of course there was the killing of monsters as usual. We did almost save the princess, but she was already dead when we found her...whoops.
Reasons for going to Hell: Murder and theivery.
Funny moment from this campaign:
(We're fighting some ghost thingys, which can only be hurt by magic. My rogue stole a wand from the wizard I killed, so he pulls it out and uses his "Use Magic Device" skill to cast spells. After the battle...)
Jaque's character: "Hey, where did you get that wand?"
Me: "Uhh...internet?"
Jaque: "Okay, let's roll a bluff check." *rolls die, and so do I. He sighs* "I believe that you found that off the internet..."
Ross: "Hmmmm, I want to see what this 'internet' thing is..." *rolls die...mind you he has a good skill in this for his character.* "...I have no clue what the internet is."

Ross's Campaign (AKA: "Yay, fire!"): During winter break last year I participated in my then-boyfriend's campaign. I was a sorcerer named Haggis (though we didn't really use names besides our real ones. I jus put that one down for fun.) Our group was mostly a bunch of pyros, so we regularly set shit on fire, like shooting fire arrow into bushes for no reason other than they moved. During our first quest, we ended up killing a band of lizard folk with torches because we thought they burned down the village we saw, and they were heading for our town. Of course we get to our town and our king is like "Dude, why did you kill my lizard army?" Oops. We got thrown out of that town. Then we trick another lizard army who was pissed off at us for killing their people by giving them a torch that was the "Sacred Fire" of one of our characters's hometown...but it was just a regular torch. We then went on a side mission to rescue some blink dog pups...which ended in stabbing the owner of the pups, burning down his mansion, and setting the creatures inside free. Didn't do anything else besides the "killing monsters and doing quests" thingy. Might've done more with this campaign, but considering I broke up with the DM, I doubt I'll be participating again. (Which is good, because I threw out my character sheet. :P)
Reasons I'm going to Hell: Murder, lying, vandalism (Hey, things kinda burn when they're set on fire, okay?), and use of magic, which is a part of witchcraft.

Ben's Campaign (AKA: "I stole your pants!"): Okay, this one I'll definately go to Hell for due to the concept of it alone. It was an Evil campaign. We all were evil characters. I was a Rogue again. I didn't do much in the campaign because they tended to play on Fridays and Saturdays, which was when I had work. My character did do a lot of stealing, though.
Reasons I'm going to Hell: Theivery

Rich's Campaign (AKA: "You get punched in the face."): My current campaign. Right now my character is Siver, a Rogue (I love playing Rogues, can't you tell?) The other characters are/were a half-orc barbarian named Raz (Shane's character, and dead), Seighail the wizard (Gabe's, and dead), Gabe's new character who I forgot the name and vocation (sorry Gabe!), a sorcerer (Chris's, and I forgot the name, too. Sorry!), and whatever Shane's new character is since he hasn't rolled one up yet.
We've all done bad things in this campaign, but as for Sivir, so far he has:
-Broken out of jail, where I was in there for stealing
-Stole from a drunk guy who was in the jail with us
-Lied to said drunk guy when he confronted me later, accusing me of stealing, and gave him a third of his gold back
-Was basically an ass to our late half-orc Barbarian, Raz, just because I could. ;)
-Drank my ass off in almost every town I've been in. "Alcohol is the Devil's drink!"
-Stole from some travellers who was asking our Wizard for help for their poisoned friend. (I ended up getting shot in the back for that.)
-Stole from a magic user while I was on the island with all magic users...I could've been put to death/set on fire for doing that, but somehow I rolled a 23.
-Took up Bounty Hunting with my comrades.
-Broke into a house to go interrogate a guy about one of our bounties and his wherabouts.
-Knocked out a woman in said house while she was asleep thinking it was the guy, then tied her to the bed and gagged her so she wouldn't scream and/or go get the town guards. (Hey, I wasn't the only one who was doing this, shut up. :P)
-Looted the house after someone stole our bounty...unfortunately, the wizard stole more shit than I did.
-One of the items I tried to sell to a pawn shop and kept on being told to get the fuck out by the owners...was a golden urn filled with the grandparent's ashes of the owner of the house. I ended up dumping them out and selling the urn. (Hey, I didn't know what I picked up when I was looting, but next time I'm going to check inside anything I see before I steal it.)
-Looted the houses of a ghost town. (And the sorcerer found the richest house on the street and got more stuff. What the fuck...)
-I'm partially to blame for the deaths of two other players. Gabe's character, Seighail, casted a higher level spell than he can safely do, failed his will save, and went nuts. He started running around like crazy in the burning lighthouse we were in, and I told Raz to knock him out and get him out of there. (Shane wasn't there to play his character, Raz, so Rich was taking over.) Raz failed to knock Seighail out, Seighail killed him, and Seighail went running through the town on 2hp, and tried taking on some undead skeletons. He died. And Sivir, being a good rogue, looted Seighail's body when he found him.
-Besides the theivery mentioned above, Sivir is also guilty of many other "sleight of hand" moves...and failures. I fucking swear, he's been punched in the face more times than he's actually succeeded in stealing things. He's even been shanked with a knife, and ended up laying on the ground until he recovered enough HP to be able to drag himself back to his inn room to rest and heal. I've been picked on by the guys for this. :P
Reasons I'm going to Hell: All of the above, and cross-dressing since I'm playing as a guy.
Funny moment from this campaign:
(While Seighail and I were going through the house looting stuff, I ran into him. He wouldn't allow me to steal the jewelry of the lady we tied up because he told her he wouldn't do that, and threatened me with violence if I did.)
Sivir: But...!
Seighail: No, you are not allowed to touch it.
Sivir: But I want to steal stuff!
Seighail: So go find something else to steal!
Sivir: I COULDN'T FIND SHIT TO STEAL!!!
(At this point Seighail has looted many other rooms, and Sivir has found nothing. Everyone in the room bursts out laughing after my/Sivir's outburst of anger. Sivir...you suck as a rogue.)

Basically, if what the fundies say is true, and D&D is the work of Satan, then I've got my seat on the bus to hell right now. Which is fine, because apparently we play D&D there. There's probably a catch to that, though. Like all we roll...IS ONES!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Leave the comments about how I'm a devil-worshipper or something. I liiiiiike comments. Don't make me force you. Seriously, don't make me come over there and make you type.

Okay, you asked for it. *rolls a d20, and comes up with a 1.* Damn...